A reader wrote to ask: “How do you know if a multigenerational housing solution is right for your family?”

She was struggling with the question of whether to combine her family (husband and three children) with her in-laws, who were “healthy enough” now but both over 75 years old.

So we tossed this out to our staff and asked the simply question: “What questions would you need to ask before entering into this particular multi-gen situation?”

We soon found that the question was not enough, we also had to consider — “What answers would you need to have to move forward?” and “What new questions arose in the discussion?”

Here is what we discovered:

The physical configuration of the home was paramount to nearly everyone. There had to be private space for both couples. Bedrooms needed to be separated by some space and soundproofing was an issue. Surprisingly, sound proofing was a bigger issue with mom & dad in the next room, than it was if the kids shared the next bedroom.

No one currently lived in a space that would accommodate two additional adults, so real estate shopping was going to be required. This was considered a bonus in the current depressed real estate market, until consideration was given to selling the current property. Renters realized they had a powerful advantage in the current depressed market. Several staffers cringed at the idea of four adult buyers having to agree on a single structure. Several of our eager real estate “lookie loos” proposed actually going out to look for housing. We will report on that experiment in the future.

Surprisingly, the kids did not enter the conversation for quite awhile and when they did, the entire discussion changed. First, how to consult with them and how much input should they have. The consensus was the older the children were the more they should be involved in the process. One staffer pointed out that the kids would eventually be old enough to merit consideration at some point in the future but by that time they would already be living in the multi-gen house someone else chose for them. The decision was made to include the kids as much as they wanted to be involved, knowing that a final decision would be made after “bedtime.”

The following issues came up at least twice in the discussions:

-transportation — both garage space and public transit.

-schools — again including transportation issues and after school programs.

-more bathrooms as kids became teenagers.

It seems that our mock family had many of the same issues as any other family considering the multigenerational move. What we think we learned is that compromise is needed by all members of the potential multi-gen household but without in-depth discussion, the areas of needed compromise may not come up until much too late in the process.